Ecc Studies 20-21

Study Number Twenty

Read Ecclesiastes 12.

“Remember your Creator in the days of your youth”

Kate sat next to Clare in the second row of chairs.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in the front?” Clare said. “You’re the mother of the bride.”
“Don’t I know it,” said Kate. “But this is a terribly long rehearsal. Nick wants everything to be just perfect for his daughter.”
“He’s doing a nice job,” Clare said.
“He’s done so many weddings. Sometimes he does a fabulous job and other times not so swift, but he does enjoy weddings. This one, though—he and I both aren’t looking forward to losing our little girl.”
“But you don’t really lose her—you gain a son, don’t you?” Clare said, watching her boys race toward the water with Keegan on their heels. She wished she were with them. She’d like to feel the water on her legs.
Keegan would probably throw her in, kicking and screaming, reading the desire in her eyes though she pretended to fight it. The boys would love every minute of it.
I live in a man’s world, Clare thought, but it’s a good one. I guess I’m Wendy in Never Land, or Jo from Little Men.
Odd that the story she was currently working on was mainly about girls, but then her three sisters had certainly influenced her greatly. The four of them were so closely knit in some ways that Clare had felt at times that they actually overlapped. They were such a part of each other. Abby had been the least a part of that connection in many ways. And yet perhaps oddly the most a part of it.
“It will be a beautiful wedding,” said Kate.
“And it’s exciting to think about what these two may do for the Lord with their future,” said Clare. “You can be proud of your girl—serving God with her youth.”
“I know,” Kate said, but she sighed after she spoke and looked away from her sister. “I just wish I could be a part of it. She’ll need my help. My strength. My hands.”
“Your prayers,” said Clare. “You’ll still be a part of her life. You just have to make the most of the times you do have together and when you’re apart, pray for each other hard. This life here is so often so—unsatisfactory. But the one to come, provided we live for it, will be much more satisfying.”
Kate smiled slowly. “You’re right about Lauren, Clare, but wrong about this life, at least in part. The smartest of the lot of us, but you’ve always had that part wrong.”
“What do you mean?” Clare asked.
“I’m not going to tell you,” said Kate. “I think you should find out for yourself.” She pushed her hair back from her face and stood to her feet. “I’m going to go congratulate my daughter on a lovely rehearsal and suggest to my husband that he be a little less long-winded tomorrow morning, but I’m afraid he won’t take my suggestion.”


“I’m not really happy, Annie. I should be I know, so I try to be, but I’m not. Something is missing. No matter what I do or get, I can’t feel it.”
“Feel what?”
“That feeling that you and Kate and Clare all seem to have. That sense that you belong.”
“But you’re more popular than any of us, Abby. We would all love to be like you.”
“I don’t have anything worth living for.”
“Of course you do.”
“No, I don’t. There’s nothing about my life that makes it worth sticking around for. Dad and Mom say to live in the light of eternity. But if eternity is so good why waste our time here with people who don’t really care about you or even really want to know you, people who value you for anything except for who you really are, people who would think you were crazy if they knew how confused you really felt, how unhappy you really are?”
“But Abby—“
“I’m sorry, Annie. I love you, sweetie. You’re a great sister. I’d say just loving you—and Dad and Mom and Kate and Clare—should make it worthwhile, but it just doesn’t. Please forgive me.”
“Forgive you for what?”


Dear Dad,

I really appreciate the way you listen to and help so many people. You always seem to know what to say to help and you don’t seem to get discouraged when people don’t take your advice. I don’t want to make you sad but I think I can’t help it. Sooner or later I’m going to make you sad whether I do this or not. So I’ve decided to do it. Some day I’ll see you again, and maybe then I’ll know what I should have done. Until then, don’t change. Keep being so great. If only I could be like you.

Dear Mom,

You’ve been a great mom. I know you were always proud of me, but you didn’t know how much I really hated—everybody and everything—and how much I hated myself for feeling that way. You don’t know how I agonized over things I said and did. I tried so hard but I just couldn’t do it. I’m so sorry, Mom. I love you. Please forgive me. I know this isn’t the solution, but it seems like the best I can come up with now.


Dear Kate,

You’ve been a great big sis. Always doing stuff for all of us. I wish I could be like you and think about other people all the time, really helping them and trying to make them look good instead of myself. I’m sorry I’m such a coward. I know I should try harder, but I don’t feel like I can. Please forgive me for giving up,


Dear Clare,

Thanks for reading me so many stories. The people in books have such happy lives. I think that even when bad things happen they know it will all work out in the end. I guess I should hope that’s true for me too and I should be willing to wait. But I just can’t seem to. It takes too long. I’m sorry.

Dear Annie,

You are such a sweetheart. You see beauty in all of us somehow. But the world is not always beautiful and not everybody we think loves us really does. I’m losing faith. I wish you could help me find it again but I know you can’t. It’s not your fault. Forgive me.


Abby

P.S. Please don’t show this note to anyone else.

After they shared their letters with each other, they also shared memories of Abby. Annie mentioned conversations she’d had with Abby in which her sister had revealed her dissatisfaction. She’d really not shared it with anyone else.
Kate revealed that she’d suspected Abby of experimenting some with drugs and had thought then that she might be struggling with some unhappiness beneath her have-everything façade. But Kate understood the appeal of a façade.
Clare admitted she’d never suspected and that she felt so stupid for not suspecting, so guilty. She was the thinker of the family, supposedly. She should have seen Abby’s unhappiness before anyone else did. Why that was what literature was all about. Things and people being more than what they seem. But she’d not seen and could not forgive herself.
Annie shared her own journey to forgiveness.
Clare listened to her baby sister humbly, feeling that she was now the younger sister. She hugged Annie fiercely and told her how much she appreciated her words.

Questions to Answer

1. What difference does it make to remember your Creator in your youth? Why does Solomon include this poetic description of aging at the beginning of this chapter?

2. How could Abby’s life have been different if she’d remembered her Creator? Note what this chapter says about hidden things and think about how this principle applies to Abby’s situation and her family’s. Compare Abby’s story with Lauren’s.

3. Have you remembered your Creator? How do you remember Him? What might He reveal about you?



Study Number Twenty-One

Reread Ecclesiastes 12.

Annie greeted Allison with a big smile. She hadn’t realized she was present until the wedding was over. Annie admired the young woman’s new hair cut, a softly-layered, short style that flattered her face and wide eyes and somehow managed to make her look younger and also more mature at the same time. She held a baby up against her, a little bundle dressed in white lace from head to toe, starting with her bonnet and ending with her booties, the frilly dress in between somewhat insubstantial but made less so by the crotcheted white blanket wrapped around the little body.
“May I hold her?” Annie asked quietly.
Allison nodded and handed her baby to her former teacher.
“She’s so soft and sweet,” Annie said. “Your mom said you named her—“ Annie hesitated.
“Yes,” Allison said quickly. “We named her after you. And after my mom and Greg’s. Anna Hope Carol. I know it’s a mouthful, but we didn’t want to leave anyone out.”
“It’s a wonderful name,” Annie said.
Drew, who stood at Annie’s elbow, laughed quietly.
“What are you laughing about?” Annie said.
“Well, of course you like the name,” he said.
Annie smiled but didn’t comment.
“I like it too,” he said.
“And so do I,” said Carol. She had just joined them. She immediately reached to take her granddaughter from Annie’s arms. “I’m sorry, Annie, but I can’t resist. Whenever I see this little one I feel like I have to hold her.”
“All right, all right,” Annie said reluctantly.
“Can’t believe my daughter insists on dressing her in all white. She obviously doesn’t know the first thing about babies. Spit up and diaper blow-out here we come. But she does look beautiful.” They all chuckled as Carol left with her warm armful. “See you at the reception,” she called as she started toward the wooden stairs leading up from the beach. Annie had decorated the railing with ribbon and flowers, transforming it into a fairy staircase.
“How are things going with you and Greg?” Annie asked Allison quietly.
Allison’s eyes clouded slightly. “I’m not sure. I don’t see much of him. I’m so busy with Anna and he works long hours. When we are together we’re both tired and arguing a lot over stupid things. Like who’s doing the most. Pray for us.”
“I will,” Annie promised. “I do.”
“She does,” Drew echoed. “I’ve heard her.”
“Thank you,” Allison said simply. Annie gave her a hug and prayed for her silently as she did so. This girl was her girl in so many ways. If there was anything Annie could do to help her, she would.

“Clare!”
Clare lifted her skirt and ran, enjoying the feel of the sand between her toes and the abandon of running like a child, though she was far from it. Who cared that she was a college professor who probably had no business acting this way, particularly in public? Maybe that wasn’t what she was any more. Or maybe she was that but differently from the way she had been it in the past.
The wedding party and most of the guests were long gone from the beach, at or making their way to the shelter and its surrounding tables, all decorated so nicely one could almost forget they weren’t in a banquet hall. But there were also hints of the sand and sea every where, including the driftwood and flower masterpiece Annie had helped Lauren and her husband design. Two of the groomsmen had carried it with them to the reception where it would continue to be appreciated.
Clare’s husband and sons were tossing a Frisbee back and forth as they stood near the water. Andrew was having the most trouble catching it and had to keep running after it when it came his way.
When Keegan saw Clare he threw the Frisbee to her. She lunged for it, but it slipped from her fingers and fell on the sand. Andrew smiled. “You missed it, Mom,” he said.
She laughed at the delight in his voice, knowing he wasn’t happy she hadn’t succeeded so much as he was happy that someone else was struggling like he was.
She picked the Frisbee up and threw it to Aaron, who was closest to her.
He also was unable to catch it. Andrew laughed again. Aaron frowned at his brother. “I wasn’t ready, Mom,” he said.
“You still almost caught it,” Clare said.
“Yea, I did,” said Aaron. He grinned and threw the Frisbee to Andrew. “Think fast,” he said. Clare laughed. She knew he’d heard that expression from his father.
“We’d better head to the reception soon before all the food is gone,” said Clare.
“You don’t really think there’s any chance of that, do you?” Keegan asked.
“Well, there are a lot of people here,” Clare said.
“All right,” Keegan said. “Come on, boys. Let’s go eat.” He walked to Clare, put his arm around her and steered her toward the stairs.
“But I just got here,” she said.
“You were the one who said we’d have to hurry or there wouldn’t be any food left,” he said, looking at her, puzzled.
“I said we’d need to go soon. Not yet. No reason not to enjoy the present, stay here by the ocean a little longer. If we leave right this minute we’ll just have to stand in line.” Clare laughed a little. She couldn’t seem to stop laughing. “Kate will save some for us. We can play for a while and then go when the line is shorter.”
Keegan shrugged. “Food does always taste better when you’re really hungry for it. And there’s nothing like anticipation.”
“No, nothing like it,” Clare said. “Except for maybe enjoying the present. What’s lacking now makes what comes later better but doesn’t mean now has no joy. Especially if you’re not expecting to find ultimate fulfillment now or looking at these present events as being the source of fulfillment.”
Keegan raised his eyebrows questioningly.
“I think I’m finally starting to understand,” she said.
“Your family talk this morning was helpful?” he asked.
“It was,” she said, “but it also made me really sad and even kind of depressed, in a way. Annie told me quite a bit about her struggles and her difficulty with truly feeling—forgiven. What she said helped. The wedding itself helped. Well, not the wedding actually—but— I don’t know if I can explain. It’s also—it’s all something I’ve been realizing over time and will continue to have to realize and pray for. I think God has been showing it to me.”
Keegan put his arms around his wife. “You don’t have to explain,” he said, “but later if you want to tell me more I’d love to hear it.”
“I have so much to tell you,” Clare said. It would be painful to dredge it all up again, but she really felt she wanted to. In fact, she was surprised she’d been able to keep it all from Keegan for so long. He knew about Abby’s death of course, but not about the letter—letters. “Do you know how much I love you?” Clare asked.
“I think I have a hunch,” Keegan said with a smile. His eyes were tender and warm. He reached for her hand, and as always she enjoyed the warmth and strength of his large hand enfolding her smaller one.
“Dad!” yelled Andrew. “The Frisbee went into the water!”
“Oh, my,” said Keegan. Then he looked at Clare. “Kids,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“Dad!” Andrew yelled again.
“I’m coming!” Keegan called back. “I’ll rejoin you in a moment, fair madam,” he said to Clare.
“I’ll be waiting,” she said. “Will you bring our princes and their royal disc?”
“We’ll see,” he said. “I don’t know if I’m up to it.”
As he left, Clare watched his long strides, appreciated the way the sun glinted on his hair, and decided her boys could use some more feminine influence in their lives. She would pray for a daughter.
It was very possible God wouldn’t answer her prayer affirmatively. She was getting older and she’d already had a miscarriage since the boys. But if the Lord said yes, Clare hoped to name her Abigail. Abby Joy.

Questions to Answer

1. What does it mean to say that the words of the wise are like goads?

2. What makes life meaningful, according to Ecclesiastes?

3. What do you think Clare and her sisters have discovered/are discovering? What do you think will happen to them next?

4. Whose wise words have been like goads to you? How have you and can you speak words that are like goads to others? What else has God used to show you Himself and to help you show Him to others?

5. What do you believe God is showing you or has for you? How can your life have meaning?