Ecc Study Ten

Study Number Ten

Reread Ecclesiastes 7:1-14

“When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other”

Sure enough, two months after Keegan and Clare returned from their honeymoon, right before school started, Clare found she was pregnant. She wanted to tell everyone right away, but decided not to, just in case something happened. After all, Kate had had a miscarriage before she had the twins. But the possibility of something going wrong didn’t stop Clare from purchasing items and decorating a beautiful nursery for her and Keegan’s little one.
She ordered a gorgeous bassinet she’d seen for sale in a magazine. She used money from her book sales, which had dropped in number significantly, as the sequel she’d written had not been as popular as its successor. Though they were fast depleting, she still had some funds available beyond her usual income. And she bought herself some stylish and overpriced maternity clothes.

It seemed like the months went by so slowly as the pregnancy dragged on and on. Clare felt awkward and uncomfortable, was often sick to her stomach, suffering from nausea and heartburn, and wasn’t able to sleep well. She’d wake up during the night needing to use the bathroom and then would have the hardest time getting back to sleep. Sometimes she’d get up and read her Bible or a book, maybe work on lesson plans or grading or writing, though usually she wrote for several hours in the morning each day before she went to school. Other times she’d just lie in bed, listening to Keegan’s heavy, even breathing.
She worried that she’d be a bad mom. She was afraid she wouldn’t be able to handle the stress of parenting, and she knew it was very stressful. Even Kate the competent, often commented on how overwhelming she found the job of being a parent. She didn’t relish the idea of not getting to sleep through the night, though that was already a problem. She didn’t like the thought of having a baby spit up, or worse, on her clothes, in her hair—repeatedly and most likely just before she wanted to go somewhere. She’d decided to stay home full-time with the baby, at least temporarily. She’d still work on her writing. Her publisher had given her freedom to complete her books at her own pace. Later, she and Keegan might try to both juggle work outside the home and the baby. She felt certain she’d miss the classroom and feel cloistered at home, eventually, though she looked forward to being there for a while. As much as she appreciated her job, those times she was able to talk about the literature she loved with students who were learning to love or who already loved it too, she often was frustrated with the uncooperative, complaining students, or demanding administration.
She wasn’t sure about the changes having a baby would bring to her marriage. She and Keegan wouldn’t have as much time for each other, wouldn’t have nearly as much, if any, time alone.
But she’d have someone to be with and to share her dreams with, to keep her from being lonely, as even more of a captive audience than her husband. The thought made her smile. Keegan was dear and she enjoyed their deep friendship and romantic relationship. She tried to forget about that ache in her that he couldn’t quite soothe and that memory she couldn’t quite get rid of with its nagging reminder and painful sense of continuing personal loss. A child might help her more than Keegan in that way, as someone to nurture, someone to love, someone with tremendous potential. A child would be worth all the difficulties.
She secretly hoped for a girl, though Keegan openly expressed his desire for a son. Either would be fine, they both said. Or both, Keegan joked. Clare didn’t think that was funny. She’d take them one at a time, thank you. And a total of two would probably be enough. A girl and then a boy. Or a boy and then a girl.
The pain of childbirth also scared her, almost as much or perhaps more than the idea of mothering. It was more imminent and less abstract but still unknown. Yet, she was eager—and anxious—to have it over with.

Her pains came during the night, growing increasingly stronger and stronger. At first, she thought she could handle them, possibly even without any medication. Nor did it seem they were regular enough to go the hospital for quite some time. But by morning, she was ready to go and to have anything that the doctor and nurses would let her take when she got there. When they arrived at the hospital, she begged the nurse for an epidural almost immediately. She was glad she’d waited as long as she had before going to the hospital because after she got the epidural the time dragged and dragged, the pain greatly deadened, but not completely gone. She couldn’t imagine waiting out the entire night as well as the day in this room. When it was time for her to push, the sheer, exhausting effort, the pressure that felt like it threatened to make her eyes pop out of her head and that did cause her to break a few blood vessels in her face, made her feel like screaming and crying in frustration. It would never be over. She couldn’t do it. “You can do it, Clare,” Keegan said. “It’s almost over now. You’re doing great, honey.”
“No,” she said. She didn’t believe him, but still found his words comforting.

And then it was over. The baby was out of her body. In her arms. Looking up at her calmly. His head cone-shaped. His blue eyes solemn and clear. “Our boy,” said Keegan. “Just look at him. Isn’t it amazing? It’s wonderful.” Clare just kept staring at their baby, still trying to accept the fact that this child had been inside her body and then that he was in it no longer. He didn’t cry until the doctor took him from her.
He wants me, Clare thought. He doesn’t want to be taken from me. She didn’t want him to be taken from her either. But she couldn’t hold him now. She was shaking uncontrollably. She felt so cold. The nurse wrapped her in towels.
Keegan left the room with the doctor and the baby. He whispered to Clare. “Not going to let him out of our sight.”
“We’ll be right back,” the doctor said.

Clare felt alone and tired and aching. Her body hurt. She was overwhelmed by muscle spasms, a churning stomach, and terrible cramps.
They returned with the baby. Jonathon Aaron. The doctor left the room. Now it was time for Keegan and Clare to start being parents—actively bringing up this child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Or just surviving.
Day after day of crying, walking the floors, trying to figure out what to do. Why wasn’t there a real solution? Why did it seem sometimes like everything Clare did was wrong? She was so sleep-deprived, unable to sleep when Aaron was quiet, for fear he’d wake and need her, unable to sleep when he wasn’t quiet, because he wasn’t quiet. Would he ever sleep through the night?
There were on-top-of-the-world times, when she held his soft little body close, put her cheek up next to his, cupped his head with her hand, kissed his little nose, watched Keegan cuddle with him. Keegan loved to coo to him and cuddle with him, dance around with him.
The church had a marvelous shower for her and she felt like a queen with her little prince, showered with presents from their many admirers. She enjoyed dressing Aaron in sweet little outfits, though she wished he’d stay still while she tugged them on him. Rather more complicated than dressing a doll.
She did struggle with boredom, as she’d thought she would. She still felt the void. She still saw that lifeless face when she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. But the features were very difficult to make out.
Was her life better now or not? Would it ever truly be better?

And then the hospital bills started coming. And insurance refused to pay what it was supposed to. And Clare spent hour after frustrating hour on the phone, finally paying out of pocket far more than what she’d expected to. Of course, Aaron was worth it. But it just wasn’t fair.
Keegan didn’t complain. He brought home the scads and scads of diapers when he did the grocery shopping. Clare preferred to go with him, but if he took Aaron, she could stay home and sleep, which right now, was the most desirable leisure activity she could think of, if she were actually able to sleep.

“They don’t stay little forever,” Kate assured her.
“Enjoy this time,” said her mother. “Don’t wish it away.”
Annie said nothing. She seemed uncomfortable talking about the baby. She just mailed a little outfit, without a card, only her return address on the package. It was a pale green suit, complete with a suit coat and a little bow tie. Clare had never before seen such a thing for a baby, well actually a toddler, as Annie sent it several sizes ahead of what Aaron was currently wearing.
When Clare pulled it out of the mailer, she cried. She didn’t know why. It was so beautiful, so bright and cheerful and fairytaleish—fit for a little prince--but somehow, it made her so very sad.

Questions to Answer

1. What is unhappy about birth?

2. How is patience better than pride?

3. How is money a shelter but wisdom a better one?

4. Do Clare and Keegan follow the advice in Ecclesiastes 7 to be happy when times are good and when times are bad, to consider that God has made the bad times as well?

5. What are some high and lows in your life? How have you responded when life disappointed you? How do you cope? Are you patient? Angry? Pleasure-seeking? Materialistic?