Peace-craving

The kids fight. They don't listen. They complain.
Crashing, crying, screeching. So much Noise.

I want them to love each other, to enjoy each other's company. I want them to learn, to grow, to find joy, to know contentment not because life is easy but because God is faithful.

Lici's jealousy is so like my feeling that God does more for others, their lives are more noteworthy, more fulfilled than mine. How ugly that it lashes out in trying to take or manipulate or rationalize or resent! Would I could take joy in others' victories, without feeling threatened or belittled, without comparing myself with them!

I thrash about instead of being quiet, heading His voice.
I whine.

But He is good.
He is here.
How can I be more grateful? More growing?

He died for me.
Before the nails, Mary poured perfume on his feet. A years wages. And the disciples mocked.
Then the crowds cheered for the King whom they would turn against so soon.

Just like me.
I hold Him high and then I turn against Him.
Is it any wonder that my children follow my example?
I need the Crucified One to cleanse me and the Spirit to work in me to change me today and every day.
May they see God in me. His peace. Not my noise.