Thanks song

God, I thank you for every word you've said, for Christ who's risen from the dead, and that He died to make me new that I might conquer death too.
Thank you that when I walk with you I find what's true. When I live with you, my life too becomes a different thing, not because of me, becomes a song to sing through all eternity.
Though I ache for more than this world has to give, I'll find a sweeter home in heaven where I can thank you personally for showing me such mercy, for holding me up even when I let go, for making sure I always know I can't get away from you, until there comes the day I never want to.
So my simple thanks I offer, so much less than you deserve, and yet my heart's sincere, for I know you're the source of every blessing, every year, every easy blessing and every painful one, every day I live under the sun.

Glad for the givers

I am thankful for people who come to church to give. They're not checking out the decor and the other folks there or mentally tearing apart the pastor's sermon. They're there to be with God and His people. Of course they're still thinking. Of course they recognize some problems. And they try to help where they can, to fix where they're able. They even help out when it isn't something they feel talented or skilled in. They want to love by serving. They take on tasks that aren't fun, clean, recognized. They don't give up when it gets tough. They don't always have to be heard or feel like they have all the answers, if we'd just do things their way.
We may not always acknowledge the greatness of their contribution though with time we become more and more aware of it. We may not realize how incredible a blessing they are. We don't always value what we should. We don't always see. But God does.

Who does the doing

When can you ever say it's enough? My daughter struggles with an attitude of I want my way and I want it now. She's stubborn and irrational. But after many suffered consequences, she recognizes that something just isn't right within her; she wonders if she's really God's after all. She asks me what she can do to fix things. Is it because she doesn't read her Bible every day? Did she not "pray the prayer" quite right three years ago? Should she do it again?
Why is she so stuck on what she can do when it's not so much the doing but the thinking process--what and who's influencing it--that isn't what it should be? Not what she's doing but Who she's with, Who's with her.

I want the best for my kids. I know they're not geniuses but I like to think they're quite smart and talented in their own ways and each is truly special, unique. Sometimes I think if I could just get them into this program or take them through this study or connect them with these people/group/whatever, then it would all come together for them and they'd truly blossom. It's all my fault, I think. I just keep making the wrong choices. I must inspire them and help them find their purpose in life.

I read a book about a girl with a make believe town that she "snows" upon. Then her real town is covered in unexpected snow and she thinks she's responsible for it. I was struck by the thought that I am very much like that girl. I think that I have way more power than I really do.
Who do I think is in control?

It's not an excuse to roll over and play dead. It's not that we should ignore that there may be something we can do, but it is needful to pray for a renewed inner person first.
Because only what He does in me, Who He is, makes what I do worthwhile, as I walk with Him.

Who it's about

Sometimes we struggle so much with fear of man, with wanting to know what others are doing and saying and thinking and making sure we're in there w/ the sharpest of the bunch (even if it involves getting stabbed and stabbing others in the process).
Even Christians can fall into the trap of "humbly" listing all their accomplishments, connections, accolades, while giving God the glory, of course.
When He increases, we decrease, and it matters not a wit what others think of us.
Furthermore, joy is not found in their approval. It never was and never will be.

I want to live with you, God

I want to live with You, God, doing everything in love. I strive to serve You but fall down again and again. Now I just want to be where You are.

There are so many choices. I struggle with knowing which to make. My life is small and yet so hard, to be mom, wife, daughter, friend.

I don't know exactly where You want me. And I'm so tired of trying to sort it all out. Help me to just reach for Your hand again.
You tell me to be strong and have courage.
I feel like I'm missing out on something.
You tell me You are with me.
Now I want Your presence. I want it to be enough today and everyday. You are enough. I am enough in You. 

I was proud of myself

I was proud of myself that in a conversation I was being encouraging and spiritual but not too much so, you know? In fact, though my first impulse had been to lay on the verses, I'd held off and listened first (remembering some advice I'd read to that end in a biblical counseling book). Then boom, right after I revealed a weakness in myself, a personal struggle, I got kicked in the teeth, right where it hurt, right where I'd just said it hurt. And I groaned inwardly in pain. Okay, God, I can't do this after all. I need you. Help me to be gracious.
I was also convicted that I've done the same thing, kicking people when they're down, even in the area I know they're down about.
I'm reading Pearcey's Total Truth and Augustine's Confessions. I want to be part of transforming the culture I live in, using Scripture as my measuring stick, building on historical faith.
But I'm in need of transforming.

Adam and Eve

Adam and Eve had to leave the garden. In spite of their disobedience, God gave them a parting gift--a promise. A child of theirs would crush Evil. What hopes they must have had then for their son, Cain, whom Eve immediately acknowledged as given to them by God. How they must have watched him grow with bated breath, and taught him about God with eager anticipation.
Then time brought an end to those hopes. That son they cherished with such expectation took the life of another son.
What kind of parents were they anyway? Probably pretty bad, we might think. After all, they ate from the forbidden tree and got kicked out of the garden. And who was their Father? Guess He did a bad job too?
So what's left after that "perfect" family is shattered? The same thing as after the first perfection ceased to be. Only the mercy of God. Will He be there when our sin or others' wreaks havoc? Will He save? He will if we let Him. But He may save by taking away.
Let me cling to You only. Let nothing else steal my affection. While I recognize my family and friends as gifts from You, it's in You alone I trust. No matter what happens. But You must help me and hold me fast.

Cheer for me

Cheer for me. When I fall down and get back up, again and again, recognize this as a feat. Don't pick another team because this one is losing. I need you.
I'm thankful for all who encourage and challenged to be a faithful encourager.