Sometimes it's possible to take off masks and be
to share real struggles, real selves,
not to play games with people
either because we view them as stronger or weaker than ourselves,
to exhort without judging, without setting oneself up over another.
Sometimes we see that the beautiful life is that way from the inside out.
Two can be alike from the outside but what makes them that way
is what makes the difference.
Intuitively, we are often aware of the difference anyway,
and recognize how profound it is.
To dwell in and be raised by that unfeigned, humble, broken existence,
to see more clearly through tears,
can put it all into perspective,
sometimes.

Reason for Rain

Whenever I'm discouraged because I wrinkle and fade, silver streaks my hair, my waistline widens
Whenever I'm discontent w/ unruly kids who seem perpetually dirty, disorganized, and eager to remain so
Whenever I'm unhappy w/ unfinished walls, fishbowl backyards, cars whizzing by
Whenever I'm looking down instead of up
Whenever I wonder why we flounder and fall and what we're doing here anyway
Thankfulness for many blessings helps
but hopeful gratefulness of coming contentment
for the day when time stops and begins, when we find fullness, perfect rest, peace, unsurpassed joy and beauty in Him, with Him, in the place we were meant to be for eternity
This promise heals
inspires
delights
makes
the now more than the mess I see and part of an unfinished masterpiece by and for the Master
the One w/o whom it's all
nothing but empty dripping sky.

I love a man who is a lover. He loved me first and I responded. In his love I am secure. In his love I am able to rest as well as to reach and relate and react.
He expresses wonder at my beauty and I know he sees with grace. He is a servant and he gives and strives for and is there for those he cares for. He has been a blessing to me for ten years now and I hope will continue to be so for many more.
He is to me a picture of Christ's love for the church.
I am more grateful than I can say.

Being a parent is about prayer-saturated moments not born out of impeccable piety so much as desperation. I read about other parents and hear others talk about their parenting, and I feel like a colossal failure as a parent. But I am convinced of this truth: It's God's grace I must depend on. I can't do it. Period. I simply can't. This isn't an excuse to roll over and play dead but it's what makes it possible to keep going. He is at work here--I plead with Him to be.
Here's a very honest confession. I homeschooled this past year; we're just finishing it up. It's been an adventure and I've gotten to spend more time with my kids and have had some sweet moments with them but it's really been hard, really painful and less effective than I'd hoped. For a while I told myself it was like breast feeding, good for my kids and therefore worth it even though it's not so much fun. But then and I'm not generally a mystical sort of person at all it was like I heard God saying, "It's okay. Put them back in school next year. Your three year old needs more from you and they need to interact more with others and so do you." It's not that this path can't be a great one for those God guides into it but I do believe it isn't the only one. I believe God used it in our lives this past year and I believe He may have something else for us for this next. I'm thankful for the Lion who isn't tame, predictable, or easily put into a box and I'm grateful for His deigning to have anything to do with me, everything to do with me, for everything He has done and will do in my life and the lives of those He'd have me to touch or trip over with the broken mess that I am. Through the cracks of my life may He be seen, may my frailty make Him all the more visible.

I enjoyed Lisa Norato's Prize of My Heart. The plot is very engaging, really the best thing about this book. While parts of it are predictable, other really aren't at all and this layering makes for a more satisfying read. The characters are lovable though the male protagonist is more complex and I thought more interesting than the female, unusual in a book of this sort. Even the little boy seems almost more unique than she is. While it's not the kind of book you can't put down, it's a warm read and one I'll enjoy passing on, a good gift for someone who likes historical Christian fiction. I received this book from Bethany House in order to review it.

artistry

How does it fit? The brilliant beauty of God and the ugliness of sin? How can they both be and contrast so greatly? How can we not be aware of both? Why do some people seem to live in the loveliness and others get mired down by the mess? I yearn for peace and beauty in my life and God gave me children. Not prodigies but normal rowdy, I think more rowdy than normal, children. They are dirty and whiny and destructive and always tussling with each other like puppies or baby wild cats. I live in cacophony. My world is streaked with colors but they are not still. Instead, they're constantly moving. In them I see that conundrum, beauty and ugliness intermingled. Jesus loves the children. They are made in His image. They are better able to grasp Him than adults generally are. They take things at face value. Jesus also died for them. They are selfish and grasping, violent and vengeful. I cannot paint a picture, put it all together, know what goes where and create something meaningful for all who observe it. But I can recognize the process and submit to the Master. There is a time when children become more marked by deceit and manipulation, become more complex. Is this maturity? Master, please help now and then in them and me.

I tend to obsessively push to get something done be it teach my kid to read or organize my closet or my schedule, believing that when the task is finished I'll be able to be done, stand back and have something to show for my efforts, enjoy them. I've learned that being this way can be really hard on people around you and not truly conducive to lasting growth, which never stops.
Friday is a good day for a musing, having completed another workaday week. This week we have tried to solve problems in different ways to be open to out-of-the-box solutions, within limits of course. I've been trying to slow down and look around, take stock of the situation and see if I can figure out how far we've come and where we're going, and if it isn't also possible to make the most of the journey for myself and others. We sometimes are so focused on where we want to be that we fail to appreciate where we are and where we are slowly going. If we've already figured some things out, we may throw up our hands when others just don't seem to get it, forgetting our own journey. If you can already solve a problem, how about helping someone else learn to solve it, rather than simply doing it for them?
How about observing, listening, thinking, not giving up on ourselves or others?
Evaluating and then evaluating again, just enough but not too much later, using the same standard? As strange and simple as this advice is, I've found it helpful. Sometimes the progress really can be surprising and it may have to do with drawing certain conclusions, being more motivated, understanding a system better, not merely performance.Wisdom is valuable, but also complex. A little more character, discipline, knowledge is an exciting thing, even though there's still a long way to go. It's about application and character not merely brains. If we can rejoice in small victories, take on small as well as big problems and be willing to let go of what isn't as important and recognize what is and not let go of it, we can aid ourselves in keeping our eyes on the light.