A week or so in the life

Ern and I have taken turns being sick the past two weeks. Meanwhile, our basement flooded from incessant rain and an electrician who left the basement window open and turned the sump pump off. Ern drove his grandpa to the hospital to visit his grandma who then went into surgery. An interesting man put soffit and fascia on our house, laughing evilly to himself from time to time. Our eldest distinguished himself at school by getting in trouble for pushing a kid--again. We didn't get any mail, thanks to the Canada Post's strike, and my mom's effort to send my a bday card from the States was rebuffed, though they told her she could fed ex it for thirty-five dollars.
But I had a good time filling in for the high school Sunday school class at church. We had a great discussion on post-modernism vs. Scripture. Of course Scripture won hands down. It really wasn't a contest, but just an effort to see what the philosophical position is and how it fails to match up to scriptural truth. I enjoyed the class so much I almost hope the regular teacher can't teach it next week either.
During the evening service discussion of the millennium, I sat behind a man who's been to church several times. After the closing prayer, I tapped him on the shoulder, intending to introduce myself and ask him his name again. Nothing like the frustration of a brain that doesn't do as well as one would like at keeping track of people. He jumped like I was a cop who had caught him in a criminal act. It was evident he'd been crying. I'd thought I'd heard sniffing during the prayer but had assumed it was someone else with a cold. I was touched by his emotion and even more so by his effort to conceal it. He left quickly, as he always has though Ern said he'd visited with him for quite some time before the service started.
And at a birthday party Felicity went to this week, another mom shared with me from her heart, with no effort to pretend to be anything other than what she was, and to her, I was a complete stranger.
God is greater than our circumstances and yet He chooses to work in and through them, both those that are less pleasant and those that are more so. He is faithful

On Conflict

Sometimes I like to argue. I find it extremely difficult to argue with my husband. He won't fight with me. He retreats or gets that deer caught in the headlights look. So I end up arguing for the both of us, literally. I argue his position as well as mine, what I think he would say in response to what I'm saying. I know, it's kind of ridiculous but it helps me! Usually I resolve the confrontation at least by recognizing the validity of another perspective, that there may not be an easy answer that will satisfy his concerns and mine.
The more I learn the more I realize I don't know. One thing I have figured out for sure is that I will never get it all figured out.
In almost every perspective there is some truth and some falsehood. Many times we must truly examine perspectives in order to see what all is really there. It is possible to, at least in a limited way, view life through the eyes of another. Reading is all about this seeing through someone else's lenses and can be good practice for real life efforts to do the same. But it is not the same. Of course, we must recognize in our own and others both the wrong and the right, with God's Word as our measuring stick. If we haven't already, we must learn to discern and even then recognize that we don't always get it right, that we don't always understand our measuring stick, ourselves, or others.
Because we are flawed by sin, as Scripture makes so clear, we are all shot through with ugliness.
Because we are made in the image of God, as Scripture also stresses, we are also infused with beauty, value and even an innate sense of hope for something better, functioning on a level above that of plants and animals, which we are not.
Mankind is simultaneously depraved and of great worth and purpose.
His choices matter but God is in control and directs him. Neither our existence nor our successes are merely the product of chance or skill. Providence is something greater than either and providence forgives. How desperately we need this forgiveness. Not easy grace but true grace.
Grace that should make us gracious. As we move closer to Him, we don't get caught in so many major arguments but show love and it's not about the show but about the affection, not for the purpose of being seen or commended but because Christ is at work in our lives to make the ugliness less and the beauty, His beauty, greater.

Blessings through Raindrops

My husband just played me the song "Blessings through Raindrops" a couple days ago. I didn't really want to hear it and was rather gratified to see that a number of people had "disliked" it, though many, many more had "liked" it. But I was struck by the truth it conveyed, though it's definitely not always a comforting truth. And beyond the impact of acknowledging that difficulties are God's blessing in our lives, I am overwhelmed to think that the answers I crave, the huge desire to know "why God?," to have Him let me in on the plan in so many words, may not be His design.
When I'm waiting on God,I'm wondering constantly, what is He trying to teach me? I try to figure out exactly what He's up to, what lesson I need to learn to then get back to business as usual. But it may not be a test, and I may never pass it. It may simply be part of a life-long process of letting go of myself and letting Him be seen in me. We're to trust Him and rely on Him, not simply to learn what He's teaching us but sometimes because the end in itself is that trust and reliance. It's a place I need to stay and by God's grace only am I able to do so. God's grace then often takes the form of waiting, trials, disappointment, just as often or more so than it takes the form of victories and joys. In all this, He wants me for Himself, body, heart, mind, soul. In being His I find something greater than the temporary struggles I experience in this life. I find Him. He is that great, perfect, all-encompassing Blessing.

Good and Bad Things Not Given

Sometimes we want something good and God chooses not to give it to us. Why? We think He wants to teach us something first, and maybe He does. We think it's just a matter of time. But He may never fulfill that desire. He may simply want us to bring it to Him and ask Him to fill us up with Himself.
He uses that pain to spur us to yearn for heaven, to recognize it as our home and not be content with where we are.
He wants us to grow closer to Him and more like Him through dependence on Him alone.
He doesn't want us to lose sight of Him in getting caught up in that thing.
To those questions and concerns and frustrations, sometimes He offers only Himself. And while it's not easy to accept that answer, it--He--is enough.
I write this while I wish I were sleeping, but my two-year-old woke me up crying because she lost her blanket. I write this while I wish I knew for sure where God wants me to be, but my husband and I are searching for an open door as it seems God has just closed the one He opened for us recently to minister where we are now. I write this hurting from accusations and belittling, from loss, but nothing more than what others face, and surely nothing compared to what Christ has faced for me. Most of all, nothing like what I deserve. I deserve hell.
I've received so much mercy.
God, help me focus on the refuge You are, on the strength that You give, that when I am weak, your strength may be more clearly seen. Help me truly find joy in You, in both the good and the bad that You choose not to bring into my life and in whatever You do bring into it.

Prov. 3:5-6

It is so hard to wait. To wait for direction for your next step, particularly when that step is not so clear, when you've lost a job, for example. To wait for God to bring you a spouse when it seems everyone else has been given one. To wait for your kids to grow up, especially when they seem especially disobedient and/or needy. To wait for your finances to be more stable. To wait for God to make you noticeably more like Himself, particularly in those areas in which you fail again and again. To wait for life to get better. To wait for Christ to return.
Why does it sometime just seem like life is about waiting?
And why does the Bible say, to wait on the Lord?
Help me, God, to trust you, to do what I know you want me to do and to know that you will direct me.
Prov. 3:5-6