On Mental Imbalance

I don't know how much my experience can speak for other people, but I have a hunch that, like me, almost everyone on the planet has at one time or other wished desperately for an escape, struggled with darkness closing in. Sometimes it feels like there is no point in our existence, that we are uncared for, accomplishing nothing, misunderstood, overwhelmed by doubt, fear, guilt. Another day and another day and another day after that, all painful and all the same, all leading to what? For some the mental challenge of despair is perhaps greater, as they are tortured by obsessive thoughts, be they about food or a need for super-imposed structure, extreme highs and lows, or irrational fears, actions caused by desperate need to make sense of what seems so senseless or lash out from a perspective outside what most people claim as theirs.
My brother was diagnosed w/ OCD and some more distance relatives of mine w/ being bipolar. I know people who've struggled w/ anorexia or bulimia.
I believe it is possible for medical diagnosis and assistance for mental problems, similar to that of medical help for asthma but I do also believe that mental problems may be more complicated and harder to help. For one, we are wonderfully complex, made in the image of God, and our ability to think is a reflection of who God is. We can imagine something other than what is but we cannot always achieve it. We can recognize the dichotomy between what is and what we feel should be. Even for those whose thinking is not labeled as skewed, thinking can often lead to frustration. Life on this earth, under the sun, falls short. Read the book of Ecclesiastes and recognize the sadness of this dissatisfied, searching wise man who even as he learned satisfaction was found only in God, struggled w/ the reality of dissatisfaction present to a degree even in the life of a believer, under the sun. It's interesting that a connection between genius and madness is often posited. Perhaps it's because madness is all about thinking. While thinking is a beautiful thing, because again, it's a reflection of God, it's also horrific w/o God, and is tainted by sin, even at its best, as is all of the world we live in.
God allows despair for a reason. Great theologians and hymn writers such as Spurgeon and Cowper struggled with depression, times when they were virtually incapacitated by it. In our despair, we must cling to our God, trusting sometimes blindly in Him. He will one day put all to rights and in the meanwhile, as long as we are here, He has something for us to do.

Some thoughts on school choices

On the school debate, we basically have three broad options, though many more specific choices. My folks went the private, Christian school route w/ me. I think I received a superior education, especially in the language arts, but our school didn't have the money for the latest technology, field trips, experiments. Christian schools at times have less experienced teachers, again because of the money issue. Christian schools also fail to acquaint students with the challenges of living in a nonChristian world, and sometimes this need to stand up comes so late, a young person accustomed to fitting in, just can't bear to suddenly stick out and finds himself totally unprepared to take on the hostility of the college(if that's when he makes the move to the secular) or workforce he finds himself a part of. Should he never be part of the secular world moving from Christian school to Christian college to Christian employment (which was my situation), he hasn't had many opportunities to be a light and has a greater challenge connecting w/ the world he lives in and is to have an impact on. Christian schools may baby students too, failing to push them to their fullest potential, in an effort to be nice. And Christian kids in Christian schools can miss the fact that they must take a stand for God even among other Christians.
In a public school, the need to stand up is more obvious. The opportunities to share are certainly greater. The breadth of learning may be greater as well, though sometimes the depth, particularly in reading and writing, is lacking. Public schools also give kids more options for the future, with more acceptable credentials and perhaps skills more suited for the jobs they pursue as well as a greater sense of independence, practically and spiritually. But in public schools, a student may face innumerable pressures, at a very young age, that may break a tenuous and possibly not even truly personal faith.
Homeschooling's charm is the parent's involvement in the child's education and influences and academic advancement, but it's limited by the parents' goals for the child, willingness, and ability to fulfill them. It has some of the same problems and strengths of Christian school.
Whatever parents choose, it's so important they acknowledge that it's their role, not the school's, to help their child grow, to train their children, that they can impact their world for God. Not every family should make the same choice in schooling, nor necessarily even school every child by the same method. Without a doubt, individual schools should be examined as they can vary greatly. It's interesting that when I was teaching on the college level and had students from all three school backgrounds, it was virtually impossibly to make blanket generalizatons about the effects of any type of schooling on kids, as the family and the given student's choices have such an impact.

Things I Love About My Husband

He listens. He provides. His hand on my hair. His desire for both of us to be all God wants for us. His compassion for others. His small, daily efforts to care for me--picking up my prescription w/ my recent sinus infection, checking out library books he thinks I'll like, giving me a break from the kids, sweeping the floor, and oddly, the other day, the table.
He wormed his way into my heart by stretching me. He taught me to roller blade, tried to teach me to ski. He had his own appreciation of the literature and philosophy I liked to discuss. He made me question my self-assurance, my resting on my laurels in my faith. His gentle conviction, that he really wanted to make his life count in service for God, moved me. His people skills were and are imperfect, too much at times and not enough at others, but oddly I'm the same way and we often take turns, balance each other out. He has a nerdy laugh. When we were dating, it seemed he was always falling off the sidewalk when he walked. I fell a lot too, down snowy hills, out of a tree. I'm awkward at much of the daily business he handles smoothly, small things like shopping for groceries and talking on the phone. He takes care of me and never belittles me and I appreciate him and admire him and love him so much.

Don't Expect too Much

Jenny Jones's Save the Date is a cute, funny, quick, light read. Lucy has a home for girls that's in financial trouble, as it's losing some donor funds. Alex is campaigning for governor but has a reputation for being a ladies' man. When their names are linked by the press, it raises his ratings, so he suggests they become an item to help his campaign. In return, he'll help out her charity. She's not governor's girlfriend material so enter posh older relative and artistic younger man to help (reminded me a bit of Princess Diaries and Father of the Bride, etc.). I had strong deja vu feelings almost the entire time I was reading as many of the characters and even the plot felt so familiar, stereotypical, and/or overdone, but the humor keeps you to the end, though sometimes the jokes are too much. The Julian character is a stereotypical "gay" character, which is disconcerting in a Christian novel, even though he's not explicitly labeled as gay. Bad boy Alex doesn't really express all that much remorse about his past, either, but he just seems to be the typical playboy reformed by love (and the death of his good boy twin).
The sense of not being good enough, feeling that others are looking down on you because you're not as wealthy and perfectly put together as they are and the struggle with guilt, while again, nothing new, are yet real, and I'm grateful to see these feelings portrayed as needing to be given to God. We must trust in what Christ did for us on the cross as paying for our sin and His view of us as being what truly matters. More depth and texture would be more to my taste but I'd not say reading this book was a complete waste of time. Still, don't expect too much. I received this novel from BookSneeze in order to review it.

Doing More for God--Quietly

I've read Eldredge's Wild at Heart and Captivating and while I appreciate the inspirational element to them in that they compelling call for boys to fight battles and girls to be princesses, they focus so much on what God does for us. While what God does for us is overwhelming, it is so because of who He is. He is far beyond us and we're to serve Him, to bring Him glory in whatever way He chooses for us; often that way is unnoticed servanthood. I know it's not a popular mantra--being a servant. But I believe it's a biblical one. And believe it or not, it's a joyous, fulfilling one. Which is bigger, an earthquake or the earth's rotation on its axis? But which screams more for notice? Serve w/o notice, lose your life for Christ, and gain tenfold.

Relationship Troubleshooting

Maybe you've got a messy past when it comes to relationships.
Live rightly now, no matter what happened then.
If you've sinned sexually, it's not all lost. If God could forgive the murderer Paul, the prostitute Rahab and the woman who washed Christ's feet w/ her hair, don't sell short His grace in your life. When God convicts us of sin and we confess it to Him and turn from it, He cleanses us (I Jn 1:9). He helps us begin again. Mercies anew. But yes, there are still consequences, among them pain, guilt, regrets. God can and will help w/ these as well. He is faithful.
Maybe someone has sinned against you. If you've been abused, know that you are still God's precious, beautiful child, that you're still whole and desireable and can have a wonderful God-pleasing marriage.
If a relationship you'd hoped would be lifelong didn't end in marriage, thank God for planning something better for you and strive to recognize that that other relationship wasn't God's best for you.
If your marriage fell apart and you've married again, the marriage you're in now is God's will for you now. Live rightly in it.
If your spouse has been unfaithful or is an unbeliever, you can by the work of the Holy Spirit w/i you love rightly and be a Hosea, be an Abigail. Maybe God will bring your unsaved spouse to Him. He will show you a path of hope.
If there's abuse, get out, get help, pray hard. God could restore even that abuser, but you're not helping by providing opportunity for the abuser to continue in such sin.
Lastly, if it just doesn't seem to be working, if you're afraid you'll alway be alone or you wish you could because you're so unhappy w/ your spouse, know God is still there, He's promised to never leave you or forsake you. Lean on Him. Trust in Him, delight in Him, and He will direct you. He says so in Prov 3:5-6. Strive to love rightly through His strength in the relationships He's given you and know that only He can fill you up. Wait on Him. Either He's trustworthy or He isn't. I believe He is, because He says so. When I take my eyes off Him and fall on my face (often), I ask Him to help me get back up. You can do the same, my friend.

Love that Lasts

How to keep biblical marital love: Commit to it.
When you marry, it's for life, for better and worse, and expect both. Malachi tells us God hates divorce. The book of Hosea is an example of love that w/stands the worst betrayal imaginable. Scripture indicates an allowance for divorce in the case of adultery, or more explicitly, that when divorce occurs after adultery, the divorce isn't causing adultery. But Hosea rises above even that allowance. The wedding ring on your finger is a tangible symbol of a commitment that should never be easily broken.
But that commitment isn't a one-time deal. If your love is going to last, you must actively, daily practice it.
Every day is an opportunity to let God be seen in you as you enjoy and serve your spouse. Thank God for the gift of this person. Build up, in every way you possibly can. I Cor 13: Love is patient, kind, isn't self-seeking, forgives, perseveres, hopes. Give again and again of yourself and your time and your encouragement; help your spouse to know God better, grow in his or her relationship w/ God. Don't deny one another physical love. Enjoy it. Initiate it. Be other-oriented in it. Read Song of Solomon together.
Eph 5 and other passages tell us about the roles of husband and wife. A wife must trust her husband and not try to control him. She's to listen to him, follow him; he's to love her, support her, guide her, tenderly care for her, sacrifice for her. We can never love and give too much when we're truly loving and giving, not expecting anything in return, serving because of God's work in us and because of our commitment.
Yes, I know it's not easy. It's impossible, actually, without God's work in us. When we feel unappreciated or disallusioned w/ negatives, it's especially difficult. It's not in your spouse's best interest to pretend she's without fault nor to focus on his flaws but I have found that when we strive to give and show appreciation, those flaws become less and less noticeable, whether because we cease to think about them or because they cease to be. Pray for your spouse and strive to lovingly aid in his spiritual growth. Don't neglect your own walk.
I've been blessed to have a legacy of good, strong, long marriages behind me w/ my great grandparents, grandparents, parents, couples who really were/are(all have passed away except my parents) very close together all their lives together. As both husband and wife are close to God, they're in the same place and thus close to each other. They serve one another. I'm grateful, though my marriage is not yet ten years old, that my husband daily displays a biblical, active love toward me, and I, every day I chose to do the same, find the richness of God's work being seen in my life. May you also know this joy. Would that Christians be marked by good, strong, long marriages. I know that some situations raise further concerns and I'll try to deal w/ some of these in the next post. Again, I'm no expert, but I have access to the Expert through His Word and His work--and so do all who come to Him. He gives Hope.

Can't Hurry Love

This post is on how to get biblical marital love. First of all, neither dating nor courtship is intrinsically biblically right or wrong. Marriages were largely arranged in Scripture, but no where are we told that's how they must be. Even emphasis on the man's doing all the initiating seems to have some competition w/ the book of Ruth and Song of Songs, though I know Ruth's an unusual story and S of S is w/i marriage.
There's a lot in Scripture about waiting on God. Song of Solomon repeately says to not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. I Cor 13 gives the first attribute of love as patience. Prov 4:23 says to guard your heart. So first of all, it seems clear that you must Wait for It, trusting God to bring it to you in His time and way. Make as tangible a commitment to purity as you can, preferably in the presence of another person, possibly w/ a purity ring, a visible sign of commitment, much like a wedding ring. Proverbs also says much about delighting in the spouse God gives you. Prov 18:22 says finding a wife is finding something good. So Pray for It. It's a good thing. Desire God's best. Next, Practice It, that other-oriented love. The vast majority of Scripture is about our walk w/ God. Worry about belonging to Him and getting to know Him better and helping others do the same.
Finally, Recognize It, when it comes. Don't shun all in hopes of finding the elusive perfect, but strive to see past the surface to the heart, following your Maker's example. But also be discerning. Scripture makes it clear believers are to marry believers. Only a Christian is capable of other-oriented love and only though God's work in us. If you've made a commitment to purity, then don't let yourself question this commitment. Sex is for marriage. It's not sexual attraction you're recognizing, though undoubtedly you'll feel a draw toward this person. First and foremost you will be struck by a humble life that bears evidence of the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, that lifts you up, and puts you before himself or herself, and for whom you do the same. Then, Commit to It, which slides into tommorow's topic, how to keep it.

Love: You'll Know When It's Real?

I think most people, even nonChristians,do to some degree know what real love is and when we read about it or see it depicted, it resonates w/ us. Here's a very accessible example: In Beauty and the Beast, when the beast lets Belle go to her father, he shows real love. Letting her leave is not in his self-interest but in hers.
I Cor. 13 indicates principles and qualities of real love, which has little in common w/ mere lust or infatuation, butterflies in your tummy and being weak in the knees. Love is patient, kind, humble, protecting and trusting, for the sake of the other person, not for one's own sake. In a nut shell, real biblical marital love is other-oriented, not self-oriented, and it's not even other-oriented for the sake of self. It's truly caring more about the other person's well-being than your own.
Eph. 5: 25-28 says that this other orientation of biblical love purifies the other person, helps your spouse be closer to God. It doesn't pull you away from God, but causes you to be closer to Him.
So what about the butterflies? Where does sex come in? Many people think the Bible is down on sex, but it isn't at all. A big part of biblical marital love is a commitment, a persevering, forgiving love (I Cor. 13). Not love that gets up and takes off when everything isn't hunky dory. Thus the beauty of sex within marriage alone, between a husband and wife who have a lifelong commitment to each other. And you know what? The world recognizes this truth as well. The original happily ever after isn't man and man or happy tonight w/ you, tomorrow w/ someone else, it's man and wife ever after. The re-working of this scenario seems to me to be because this love is humanly so hard to obtain and keep.
So next, we'll talk about how to get this kind of love. Here's a hint, you can't, in and of yourself.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I just recently read and wrote a review on a group Bible study book about God's love. I wasn't impressed w/ the brevity of the book and called my review "Short-Lived Love." But while the book may have been short-lived, it's human "love," not God's that just doesn't seem to last so long. Of course, part of the problem is that human "love" is often not love at all. I think many times, if not always, we enter into relationships, sometimes just about any relationship with someone of the opposite gender, just to have that relationship, hoping that that other person will be the thing that rings the bell for us, we'll reach the elusive happiness quotient, finally we'll be satisfied. Our brain may tell us life doesn't work that way. But we don't listen and keep hoping and being disappointed.
Others of us are unwilling to have a relationship with a member of the opposite sex because we're waiting for that magic, that perfect someone to come along, and leary of anyone who doesn't have that glow. So we hang off to the sidelines for quite a while before we finally go for it and then, as everyone else has discovered, we're let down.
Maybe we find someone we think "is the one," but our interest isn't reciprocated, so we spend much of our time pining after "the one that got away" who for sure would have made our lives all sunshine and rosebuds.
In stories, we're told it's so hard to get two people to love each other at the same time. It's a brief, sweet joy when it happens, and then the story quickly comes to a close, or it goes on and on, as the relationship dissolves because of ennui and other distractions.
I'm no expert, but as a Christian, I've access to the Expert, and I'd like to explore some ideas about biblical human love--man and woman, happily after forever, sanctified, marriage kind of love.
First of all, what we're talking about.
Second, how we get it.
Third, how we keep it.
Stay tuned.

Snow

Snow is everywhere here. It reminds me of the song "Whiter Than Snow," and of the cleansing Scripture tells us we experience at salvation. God's forgiveness is better than bleach, better than the most powerful laundry detergent. He gives us an entirely fresh start, covers it all blindingly white. But just like with snow and clothes, we muddy it up again. We must acknowledge our wrong, opening up our arms to God, begging for His continued work in us that one after another He'll root out those sins in us. The snow just keeps on falling.
Thank you, God.

Being an Encouragement

Please let him stop talking, God; he's driving me crazy, I often think about my three-year-old. It's not just the constant talk either but also its content, an imaginary world I've not many ideas about or much interest in.
But I love him and he needs me to listen and care. Though occasionally asking him to give me a break and play by himself or w/ his little sister isn't completely unwarranted.
Who knows how these imaginings are helping him develop? Lately he plays inventor a lot. Perhaps he'll be one someday. He has so much ahead of him, so many possibilities. I want to encourage him to really develop his talents, his active mind.
Help me care about others, Lord, even when their interests differ from mine. Help me see them as You see them. With so much potential. Help me know how best to encourage.

Self-Righteous

"I don't do that" my 5-year-old daughter often says when one of her brothers gets into trouble. Her self-righteous words aren't particularly helpful. And while she's often less actively, openly troublesome, her eyes and expressions can speak volumes, as they say.
God sees our hearts. Mine could use work too. It's also quick to judge and find its owner less wanting.

Can't Stop Moving

After my oldest child, now six-year-old Lukas, was born, the nurses marveled at how long he was awake in the hospital nursery. He just looked and looked and moved and moved around for nine hours while all the other little newborns were worn out from labor and delivery and happy to sleep. He's been that way ever since, Very busy. At just a few months of age, not yet able to sit up or crawl, he'd simply lie on the floor, thrashing and flailing around, and I'd sometimes lie beside him and imitate him. In no time I was completely exhausted. I thought about taping him and marketing it as an exercise video.
He'd cry a lot too, bored, frantic for something new. As soon as he could move, he was everywhere, into everything, all the time, like a puppy dog, and neither words nor more forceful persuasions had much effect. The drive to discover was too strong. His body and mind always flitting toward the next thing and the next and the next. Entertain me. Something new. Now. He's a bit of a thrill seeker perhaps, definitely an activity seeker.
Guess what? So am I, though I can sit still for hours and am far too sedentary for my ideal health. I'm still easily bored, looking for entertainment, activity, something new, something exciting-now.
Help me to be excited about you, God, and satisfied with you and what you give me.

Speak Up

The other day in AWANA, I was talking about how God changes us when we come to know Him and Lukas turned to the boy next to him and said, "Have you done that? Is Jesus your Savior?" That's one of the changes, a desire to share and actively doing so. I have the desire but the doing is tough for me. Sometimes I think almost any other activity is easier, even pole vaulting. Please God help me so naturally reach out to say like my bold active six year old, "So what have you done with God?"

This Day For You, Lord

Hubby gone to pastors' conference. I try to encourage 3 yr old boy and 1 1/2 yr old girl to play together nicely while I clean the table, unload the clean dishes, put in dirty, pick up the house, change a diaper. 3 yr old talks constantly about paper airplane while I sit down for a minute with coffee. Snow falls outside and falls some more. Baby not interested in early morning nap Mommy hoped for so's to get it in before leaving to pick up kindergartener, whose bus isn't running because of weather. So no nap. Bundle up both little people to brave the chill. Hating snowy city driving, skidding to stops when antilock break kicks in. Always hallucinating about some terrible accident waiting to happen. Heart rate, blood pressure up. Teacher's upset that 3 yr old wears boots inside the building but he didn't wear socks. Where's baby's hat? Crying, arguing, complaining in van on the way home. Reprimands. Messy, quick lunch. 5 yr old and 3 yr old call each other names. Meal over, some pleasant play, then more fighting. "She won't let me in the room." "I don't want to play with him." Spat resolved. More pleasant play. Nap time for grumpy baby. Too short-lived rest for other two. Some educational? computer games. Mom does quick devo. Biggest kid home. Supper. Homework. Talk with each other about this day and next. Baths. Quick family devo. Bed for kids. Dad and Mom talk, flip channels, check e-mail and phone messages.
How sanctified are we? How many times do I threaten my kids? How much do I trust God, know what He wants, do it?
How normal our lives are. What do they mean?
Be faithful in small things.
But all I do is fall short. My kids have dirty faces, sticky fingers, overactive feet, quick tongues and tempers and I--am much the same.
I need You, Lord, every day. Please be seen in me.

Phil 4:8 Thoughtful, Authentic, Lovely, Christian

Thoughts are so important to actions and they are who we really are. We can fake it on the outside but what's in our head is what is. Phil 4:8, theme verse for this blog, tells us that we must think true thoughts. Truth isn't always easy to get at. We can come at Scripture with what we want or expect it to say, and fail to take away what is. In life,we can fail to carefully analyze our culture by God's standards and dwell upon and live according to His way. Our thoughts are to be right, valuable, pure. There are truths that are sad truths, evil truths that shouldn't dominate our thoughts. Truths about how Satan works, truths about the presence of sin in this world. While we're not naive, we're not focused on evil by any means. It's here because of sin. We're here to overcome it w/ good, w/ God's work in our lives. Purity truly sets us apart as Christians in a world where promiscuity, adultery, homosexuality, crude jokes, constant attention on sexuality is so prevelant. We're to be clean, walking before God bathed with His righteousness, living, by His grace, in that light. A lovely life, a lovely faith draws people by its beauty, echoes the gorgeouness of God's Creation. But this isn't a veneer. Nor is it perfection. That struggle is part of life under the sun. It's not that we don't struggle; it's that we do. That we struggle openly toward excellence and praiseworthiness. That we neither enjoy nor submit to the struggle. But if we're not struggling, we're not thinking, not growing. We won't arrive until God welcomes us home and even then there will be more to learn. Sometimes God intensifies that struggle, makes it even more obvious and desperate because He so desires our humility, our true dependence on Him. When we struggle, our thoughts are made clear by our actions, by pride and unwillingness to be taught, even by Christ Himself, or by clinging to God and becoming more like Him, learning more about truth, growing more pure, more lovely. Growing closer to Him. Because it is He who is truly beautiful and He who is the source of worthy thoughts. His is the glory.

Church Shopping

I'm a discriminating consumer. I like to get a really good deal all the time, if possible. If I feel I could get a better deal somewhere else, I'll probably take it back.
Sometimes I've found myself thinking about church in this way, that I could get a better deal somewhere else and should do so. But to be honest, I'm rarely completely satisfied w/ purchases or people and I think it's the dissatisfaction that's the problem more than the what I'm dissatisfied w/.
What I'm not saying is that there aren't times when churches are doctrinally unsound or not challenging you to spiritual growth and you should move on. What I am saying is that it's not necessarily the church and its programs more than other programs anywhere else that will satisfy. You can have great challenging teaching/preaching coming at you every week and get nothing out of it. You can have less inspiring exposition and get more. You must be engaged in the learning and growing process. No one else can do it for you. If you're in a good church, you can help it become a better one, and more importantly, you can search your heart and allow God use His Word to grow you. Growth involves change. Check out your baby pics if you don't believe me.
The biggest difference, I think, between church shopping and the other kind, is that you are an important part of the product. And that's my thought for the day.

Being a Christian Parent Today

Being a parent today is overwhelming, (though I suppose it's always been difficult). Grandparents may very well be a long ways away and possibly not even together. They may not be able to offer much help.
Some peers hit on child-raising books and theories that solve all their problems. Unfortunately, their books and theories contradict each other. Bound to be told if you haven't already, that what you're doing or not doing (whatever it is) is wrong and maybe it's true. So many options for schooling and some people feel so strongly about some options.
When your kids drive you crazy, you can cry, pray, or go on reality TV. By way of further encouragement, it's possible, according to psychology, that every bad choice you make will wreck your kids for life. Definitely drives me to frustration, tears, to my knees and to my Bible for wisdom, as I strive, often failing, to be a parent bringing up real, sinful but saved (except the baby) and striving kids who are in the world and yet by God's grace not of it.

Black and White

My children both go to school w/ children of many different races. My daughter's class in particular is very ethnically diverse as it contains only two towheads and the strong majority of the little people in it w/ dark hair also have darker faces. My daughter's friends are beautiful children. She dotes on them and loves to be w/ them. She is aware of their different skin color and will pick out black and brown crayons to color people who look like her friends at school. She doesn't pretend they all look the same, just as she notices different hair and eye color but sees them all as beautiful, beautifully different.

Men and Women, Women and Men

Oddly, because our western modern culture has gender issues, even offering people at times the option of choosing to identify w/ whichever gender they wish regardless of the one they were born as, we make assumptions. Because people are bored with male-female sexuality, encouraging homosexuality if one is so inclined, they look cross-eyed at male flower arrangers and females in the trades or make accepting, encouraging comments about such behavior because they don't want to force traditional sexuality and they believe in an acceptable "alternative lifestyle." Were they less eager to see and accept aberrance, there'd be more room for originality. After all, for centuries, there were men who were tailors and women who helped in the field. No one thought anything of a boy warmly hugging another boy or two girls holding hands.
Homosexuality is clearly biblically wrong. Nature itself teaches us how unnatural it is, as it does not under any circumstance produce offspring. But anything and everything we consider "homosexual" behavior shouldn't necessarily be so labeled.
For a while, Christians followed the bandwagon, especially with boys, strongly discouraging aggressive behavior, trying to soften them, while at the same time working to "toughen up" girls, making boys feel there was something wrong with them if they were naturally too strong or girls too soft, making them resent those whose natural (but still sinful as we're all born depraved) behavior was considered more acceptable.
More recently, the Christian response to gender confusion seems to be to teach boys and girls, men and women, to be stereotypical male and female--He-man in combat and Snow White at the wishing well or cleaning the floor or just waiting to be rescued. He-man is not about to save Snow White and Snow White's wasting her time pining for him and is likely to just become very impatient.
We're all born with distinct personalities and proclivities and an aggressive man or a nurturing man can still be very male, a nurturing woman or an aggressive woman still very female. Men are scripturally to be leaders of their wives. Servant leadership is prayerful leading by providing, protecting, strengthening, teaching and directing. The love God commands a husband to show his wife does not belittle her. Nor is it weak and mealy-mouthed, waiting for her to take the lead. This love sacrifices for her, helps her grow. Its pattern is Christ's love.
God uses different personalities and talents. As a woman respects the leadership of the man God places over her, as she submits to him, not to browbeat or lord over her, but to strive to lovingly direct her, she comes to his aid as the helper she is meant to be. She is a tremendous encourager, bringing her gifts and talents to assist her man in furthering his dreams for himself and his family. She doesn't fight his battles for him, but she doesn't hide while he fights either. She does what she can, under his leadership, to help.
God gives us gifts. I believe He is honored when we choose to use them (except in sinful behavior), not when we deny their existence.

Facebook, letters, and connecting

My five-year-old daughter (the especially expressive one in the middle w/ hair in her face)goes through my card/stationery drawer almost daily, hunting for envelopes and /or cards to give to her friends at school. I've been fighting a losing battle to keep her from using up all her cards before Valentine's Day. Why does she feel the need to give her friends pictures and notes when she sees them so frequently? For that matter, why do people text, e-mail, facebook, and connect in such a rabid fashion these days, seemingly most often with the people w/ whom they actually have more face-to-face contact?
We can't seem to get enough of each other, always trying to be closer and fretting that others are communicating more, and more effectively, and we're getting left out. I think we're all determined to remedy that old literary struggle of never being truly understood--today.
I'm a part of this craziness w/ frequent facebook postings. I've always loved writing, sending, and receiving letters, but have never been much for the phone and went through just a short-lived phase where I sent a lot of e-mail. Perhaps facebook will soon be replaced by another phenomenon and I'll probably follow the bandwagon, anxious to be heard, though those tangible, far less emphemeral pieces of paper my daughter and I stuff in envelopes never completely go out of style; embodying so poignantly the whole idea--connection that lingers even when the connector is out of sight.

Vampires

Recently I was at the library, reading the backs of books to find something to check out, and I noticed a theme that's become almost obsessive. Vampires. Now, I know they're not a new concept, as Bram Stoker's Dracula, which has obtained classic status, attests to. But vampire Nazis, vampire shopaholics, vampire computer geeks--give me a break.
Stephenie Meyer's Twilight set off this mess, she, inspired by Harry Potter and the subsequent revival of interest in all breeds of fantasy. I think people ache for fantasy and the supernatural because science is so very unsatisfying, and we intuitively recognize that there is that which is true that simply cannot be explained scientifically.
But why vampires? Maybe these human predators as the next thing up on the food chain fascinate us with the idea of rising up to a higher level or taking on something more powerful than us, that wants to destroy us. Maybe we think they might sympathize w/ us just as we sympathize w/ our food, like poor Bambi's mom.
Vampires have no soul but live forever. How alluring the idea of gaining eternity without God. Evolutionists could have their cake and eat it too, if they could evolve into something that would never die. But how interesting that the fiction that does so preys on us.
Sadistic or masochistic, whichever it is, at the core it's back to the fact that we cannot accept the idea that we're all that is, that there's none with more power, none with endless life. We can't accept this idea because it's untrue, though vampires are not true either. What is true is that God is bigger than us, He made us, and doesn't prey upon us, but offers us eternal life which His Son paid for, and offers freely to us, when we trust in Him.

Fostering a Fascination with Books

Fostering a Fascination with Books
Books have been powerful teachers in my family. When I was a little girl, I loved many picture books. My two favorites were Zachary Zween, always last in line at the London school for boys with its penchant for alphabetical order and Katerina and the refrigerator box that was a ball room floor, a clubhouse, a ship. As I grew older, children’s classics took the place of those picture books: Hans Brinker and the Silver Skates, The Secret Garden, The Chronicles of Narnia, Anne of Green Gables. As an adult, I majored in English literature and ended up an English teacher.
But not until I had children of my own did I truly begin to realize what a powerful tool books—picture books to begin with—are for a parent. Kids question parental authority from babyhood. A story has significantly more sway with them than Mom or Dad’s instructions, so it’s important to pick the right stories. They can benefit parents tremendously. A Little Critters book has helped us with potty training. It worked well for a number of reasons. First of all, it’s told from the perspective of the seasoned potty pro big brother who relates his little sister’s potty journey just a bit condescendingly. Secondly, it talks through the process, getting comfortable with the idea of the potty, sitting on it and using it, having an accident without making an effort to get the potty, having an accident while trying to get to the potty, getting to the potty on time and being successful, all without being instructions per say, as it’s all part of a narrative. My kids developed their idea of what they needed to do from this book more than from me, though I spent hours working with them. At least that’s what my son articulated to my daughter. “You’ve got to yell potty and then go to the potty,” Lukas said. “That’s just what the little sister does in the book.
Richard Scarry’s stories about “Pig Will” and “Pig Won’t” are great for encouraging kids to do assigned tasks. Lukas often says “I will,” when I ask him to do something, and in his words I heard the echo of “Pig Will” who has so much for fun than his brother because he helps out and finds out that work can be fun, a lot more fun than doing nothing, anyway.
So when the kids are bored, I often suggest they entertain themselves with books and I read to them quite a bit during the day, every day. My husband also reads to them daily. It doesn’t take a lot of time to read a couple picture books. When we read, we talk about the characters, point out things going on in the pictures that aren’t in the text, name characters without names, wonder about what happens after the story is over. Sometimes we just look at the pictures and give the illustrations our names, I’m the mommy, Liam is the little boy, or I’m Red Riding Hood and he’s the wood cutter. I often paraphrase the story when we don’t have enough time to read the whole thing or he begins to lose interest. Sometimes I change the story to make it more effectively convey ideas I want my children to be exposed to or to remove elements I don’t want them to be exposed to, such as violence. My husband likes to let them fill in the blanks in familiar books or read the opposite of what is written and wait for the kids to correct him.
My oldest two are now reading themselves, but as beginning readers they still most enjoy being read to. I read my three-year-old easy to read books and point to words as I read, sometimes asking him to identify a letter and its sound, as he knows letters and sounds. We talk about rhyming words. I’ll repeat words that rhyme and tell him they rhyme or mention that two words mean pretty much the same thing or are opposites. We sometimes make up songs about the stories.
Books always foster questions, why doesn’t Peter Rabbit get to have blackberries with Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail? Why does the itsy bitsy spider have a shadow on some pages and not on others? What sound does a camel make?
Each person in our family has books that are his or her own. We give books for gifts and let them buy books with money from Grandpa and Grandma. We go to the library at least every other week.
Even my one-year-old studies picture books solemnly, turning the pages one at a time, though sometimes she holds the books upside down. Books are fun. Books are a game. Books are wonderful teachers, of things mundane and profound.

Living LARGE In A small Space

A family of 6 can comfortably live in 600 square feet. I never would have believed it over a year ago, when I was enjoying a good 2000 square feet with a triple garage and a big backyard. But this year I've experienced it. The key for us has been paring possessions, creating comfy corners, and getting out :)
We've lived in an apartment in our church for over a year. It is, as you've already guessed, approximately 600 feet. It has a galley kitchen, bathroom, small living room, and two bedrooms.
I frequently go through our things and donate what we don't need or use, have outgrown or just isn't working for us.
Having storage in other parts of the church has been extremely helpful and I store what we don't need now but may want later.
We have coat hooks, one closet, a trunk, a shoe organizer, and a basket full of winter hats and gloves on the landing (our "mud room"). Just inside the door is my desk, my station for writing letters, occasionally reading (which I do anywhere), journaling, computer stuff.
The kids have baskets and tubs to help them stay somewhat organized, including some which fit under the bed. Their room is the biggest and has only their bunks, so they enjoy the corners and the space under the "L" of their triple bunkbed, which gives them special spots for play. The baby has a rolling pack and play that resides in our room until we're ready to go to bed, when it moves to the kitchen. We opted to put a dresser in the living room for the much needed storage and one comfy couch and a wing chair that can can look out to the living room area or shift to the banquette which fits neatly in the corner next to the fridge. The trunk coffee table is an antique and great for storage, games, running cars back and forth, etc. It gets a lot of use and gets moved around a lot. Virtually all the furniture is relatively small and moveable.
Ern and my bedroom is little more than a bed up against the wall and just a space by the dresser but it's nice to have our own space.
We go on walks when we can or just head to a mall or grocery store to get out when the small space is too much. We're thankful for the church fellowship room in the basement where we occasionally play a game of tag the kids call "turtles." It's so cold and snowy for so many months here in Edmonton, AB, that that basement space has really meant a lot to us.
It's been fun, but I can't say we aren't looking forward to moving out to bigger quarters! And there are many times when the whole place is a mess and most of the time some part of it is--the dresser in our room especially gets piled up and toys are frequently strewn around. But it's not impossible to live relatively comfortably in a small space.